Kabhi Alvida Naa Dekhna

I am a fan of SRK and have been watching all his movies at least thrice and enjoying them immensely every time I saw them. So, of course I am shocked as I write a review for an SRK film, while watching which I felt like going back home more than thrice. A path-breaking movie, Karan Johar has been publicizing KANK as, turns out to be all crass than class, all senseless without even an ounce of logical mass.

Moments into this heavy-duty, grab-your-tissues film, we can see SRK, playing Dev Saran, a footballer par excellence giving Rani Mukerji playing Maya, the school teacher a bit of marital gyaan as she is sitting in her wedding costume on a park bench, while her wedding is about to start in a little bit of time. These two have a strangely ‘stranger’ air about them, which somehow lets it out that maybe a couple of reels later these two are going to meet again. Predictable? Can’t Say. Maybe K Jo wanted us to know.

As perfectly predicted by almost every person sitting in the packed house of the plush multiplex, these two do meet again, after a seriously pathetic, child kidnapper (?) encounter ala misunderstanding. This time, Dev is too screwed up with his own life after an unfortunate accident which ruins his football career. By now we also know that Dev and Maya are married to Rhea (Preity Zinta) and Rishi (Abhishek Bachchan) respectively and through the suggestive dialogue we also get the feeling that both the marriages are not really working. We are also introduced to the Snoopy Dogg type styled Sam aka Samarjeet Talwar (Amitabh Bachchan), Rishi’s flamboyant, casanovaish dad and Dev’s mom played by Kirron Kher who is more than stereotyped in the oh-so-understanding Punjabi mom. Basically this is the story of The Sarans and The Talwars two families who get screwed up because of another love story which involves one of The Sarans and one of The Talwars.

The film moves on at a pace which would even put the slowest of snails to shame and tries to pack in contrived, often flat-falling humor alongwith dollops of typical K Jo emotions. As relations start getting strained, we can see that Dev and Maya try to help each other out by explaining what is wrong or right with them, discussing about ways in which they can improve their respective marriages. That they end up seducing each other more than their partners is another issue. Moral of the whole series-of-unpardonably-boring sequences is that Dev and Maya start loving each other. One thing leads to another and the film treads between Dev and Maya’s love scenes, Dev-Rhea and Maya-Rishi fight scenes, Sam’s playboyish endeavors and when none of these three fit in, you can expect one of the songs which sound better on an audio cd.

What writers Karan Johar and Shibani Bathija thought were amazing twists and turns in the plot turn out to be more predictable than an Australia- Bangladesh cricket match and equally insipid, entertainment wise. K Jo puts his usual song-dance sequences, choreographed in the usual style by his usual Farah Khan and laced with the usual K Jo guest appearances by his usual ‘lucky mascots’.

What was meant to be a different film turns out to be different definitely but in the most negative possible way. It tries to hard to juxtapose comedy with a serious theme like extra-marital affairs. There is no logical explanation for neither of the characters’ behavioral patterns. A sensitive subject is dealt with loads of candy-floss stuff and emotion driven dialogue which a normal individual would never think of saying. Going overtly overboard, the film doesn’t fail to excite you for a single moment in its 3.5 hrs running duration, except for maybe a brilliantly executed sequence post interval where Dev waits for Maya with a bouquet of roses but Rhea walks in coincidentally.

Of the actors, only Amitabh Bachchan manages to stay afloat. He plays the loud character with conviction and ease, making every frame that has him in it, bearable.
Shahrukh Khan who happens to be my favorite actor, hams like there is no tomorrow. As he sobs, shouts and screams arrogantly you feel like pinching yourself and asking if this is the same guy who can display vulnerability just by a glint in his extremely expressive eyes. Sigh, but SRK disappoints. Rani Mukerji tries her best to breathe life in the weakly penned character. Abhishek Bachchan also does not impress even as he breaks things around the house with utmost conviction. But the actor who takes the cake as far as being wooden is concerned is Preity Zinta. Barring a couple of sequences, Miss. Zinta fails to raise even the slightest amount of sympathy. Kirron Kher does her Punjabi Mumma routine as usual. And yes there is Arjun Rampal. Ahem-ahem, I don’t think we should discuss him here.

The screenplay is a letdown, basically because it is highly inconsistent, trying too hard to pack in too many things. The music which is pretty good on the soundtrack turns out to be a pain in the film. Direction wise, K Jo doesn’t really let the film pick up at any point. The film is bad, from Frame 1.

Apart from a couple of well executed sequences and Mr. Bachchan, there is nothing in KANK that should prompt you to buy that 150 bucks ticket.

Watch OMKARA thrice. You would atleast enjoy the langda villian there. The langda hero here is quite a pain.

MY RATING: * *