THE 5: Best Films of 2005

Well, after screwing bad ones... Lets see which films really rocked in 2005. These are the films that either provided us with wholesome entertainment or showed us what films should be...

5. Bluffmaster

Lets face it..! This is one of the most entertaining films of 2005. Not a dull moment no matter how shoddy the screenplay was, BLUFFMASTER has its own plusses and minuses. Amazing dialogue, Great performances and a brilliant background score are things that make Rohan Sippy's Bluffmaster worth a dekko.

Lets pardon Sridhar Raghavan for the bad screenplay... he has come up with an original story and above all great dialogue.

We love you Nana... Even when i watched the film for the second time... i could not help smiling.

4. BLACK

Shocked??? I knew you would be... Were u not expecting BLACK to be up there at the Numero Uno position..? Watch THE MIRACLE WORKER and you will know why BLACK is here at 4 and not at the oscars. I personally loved BLACK when i saw it for the first time, then I happened to watch THE MIRACLE WORKER... and i was like... What the F***?

Still lets praise director Sanjay Leela Bhansali coz he has Balls the size of footballs. It needs freaking guts to make something like this and produce it on your own. Without bowing down to many commercial constraints BLACK remains honest to the core... and that is precisely why it is here.

Amitabh, frankly has hammed in many of the sequences. Rani Mukerji is brilliance personified as she portrays Michhelle with utmost conviction. The little girl Ayesha Kapur is also thunderous.

How hard i wish that Sanjay Leela Bhansali would have come up with original stuff... or atleast given THE MIRACLE WORKER due credit.

Grow up Bollywood!

3. NO ENTRY and SARKAR:

Well the only other film i laughed so much was Andaz Apna Apna and Hera Pheri. Amazingly funny and entertaining No Entry is the kind of film which you can watch over and over again. Full marks to director Anees Bazmi for making us realize all over again... what bollywood is all about!

The other film that has tied for this spot is Ramu's version of The Godfather. Sarkar is an excellent film. Both the Bachchans and Kay Kay are awesome as the desi version of the Corleones. Dont compare SARKAR to The Godfather... And you will enjoy it like hell!

The Godfather is a classic. SARKAR isnt. But the best part about it is... It doesnt try becoming one.

2. HAZAARON KHWAHISHEIN AISI:

This film ROCKS!!! I have never been this awed by any film. It is a very simple story told in the most engaging manner by Sudhir Mishra with the help of stunning performances( Kay Kay, Chitrangada and Shiney Ahuja) and a rivetting screenplay.

If you havent watched HKA... you have missed something great in life.

1. IQBAL:

This is the film of the decade. Nagesh Kukoonoor has just proved that you have to make a film from your heart... and hell it will work... Come what may!

It is one of my favorite films of all times and It showed me what filmmaking is all about. Great performances from everybody makes IQBAL so real... so fine.

I can feel a wave of inspiration surge in my blood everytime i think of IQBAL.

If i was to describe IQBAL in one word... it would be... CLASSIC.


NEXT UP: TOP 5: The worst actors of 2005.

THE 5: Worst Films of 2005

Hey people, As we are drawing close to the year's end... I thought I will put up the top 5's of this year... I am kick starting this string of 5's with the most difficult compilations...
THE WORST FIVE FILMS OF THE YEAR THAT HAS GONE BY:

Why difficult??? C'mon, good ol' bollywood gives us so many choices for it!

5. KAAL

Well this was one movie where animals acted better than the actors. A idiotic Vivek Oberoi with a i-cant-do-anythin-but-look-hot Lara Dutta get together with A wooden John Abraham and an even more wooden Esha Deol and a couple of stupidity personfying friends enter the Orbit National Park on a trail of something... In the forest they meet up with a Kajol...oops Kajal eyed Ajay Devgan and a bunch of really hungry looking tigers just coz there is some kinda suspense building up...

KAAL is full of lampoonin screenplay and a starcast full of deadpan expressions. With scenes out of nearly every scary hollywood film popping out... had it not been for Karan Johar's amazing publicity stint KAAL would have been the biggest flop of all times.

The only saving grace is a brilliant sound design, excellent camera work and the red hot title track with SRK and Malaika.

Had it not been for the above 3 things... Kaal would have definitely been a major contender for the no. 1 slot.


4. Mr. Ya Miss

Antari Mali wrote, directed and acted in this factory film. No wonder Ramu broke all ties with her after this remake of an already bad film, Hot Chick. There is nothing right with this film. Hopelessly sad!

Cant Say more...! I just hope RGV isnt gonna be this looney ever again!

I wish i could give this a Number 1.... but unfortunately, there are better contenders.

3. KISNA

I cant help rollicking with laughter everytime i think of this VERY bad film. What were you thinking Mr. Ghai??
And why Vivek Oberoi in the lead role? The Isha chick danced well though...

2.Neal N Nikki

Read my review... I just dont wanna think about this film again! Bad, Bad, Bad.

1.Mangal Pandey

Ha Ha Ha... some films are made so that they can take this highly coveted position. Bad music, Bad acting, BAd screenplay, Bad Direction, Bad historical inaccuracies... BAD is the key word of Mangal Pandey.
Type Bad in google search... and guess what... The Mangal Pandey official site opens!!!!

Next up: TOP 5: Best films of 2005

MADAGASCAR

Hmmm... Abhradeep told me to write this review coz his kid brother had fallen in love with the film. An animated film... that too from Dreamworks... After watching the debacles of THE PRINCE OF EGYPT and SPIRIT i had realized that their animated films are very serious... very boring. Though SHREK and SHARK TALE were brilliant animations, I was still not very kicked by the idea of watching MADAGASCAR.

Still i managed to rent a DVD and get ready for what i can safely call, the best animated film i have ever seen after FINDING NEMO.

MADAGASCAR is basically about how animals get so used to the Zoo ambience that they actually forget that a lion is supposed to eat a zebra and not a zebra's birthday cake. It features an amazing array of animals from a lion to a zebra... from a hipppo to a set of really funny penguins.

The real fun starts when the animals accidentaly reach an island. It is here that they realise that they are actually wild. When the lion starts to realise that he is actually a dangerous animal... When the zebra realises that the lion, who is his best friend can actually eat him... primal instincts...

The ceaseless camera moves, the ADHD editing style, and the turned-to-11 sound mix add up to such a cacophonous muddle in some sections of the film that viewers may simply tune out due to sensory overload. That said, the times when the film does slow down, it shows interesting signs of life. Sacha Baron Cohen's King Julien is a first-rate comic creation. His rapid-fire delivery actually contains some very funny moments that make it worth paying attention. His is the kind of performance that gets an actor work in animated films for decades. The combination of the vocal performance and the character design makes it possible to believe that the character is actually saying these funny things.

If the film had followed through on the emotional ramifications of wanting to eat your best friend, Madagascar might have had a chance to match the depth of a Pixar film.

MADAGASCAR offers you everything... but at the end of it... you are still left with an incomplete feeling. It lacks the emotional depth. But we arent complainin!

Though i wish... there was more footage to the penguins!

Amazing film!

My Rating: * * * *

MANGAL PANDEY: The 'Falling'

Mangal Pandey??? Review??? This late??? Why on earth??? I am sure all these questions have popped into your already frustrated-by-reading-Mangal Pandey-minds....

But as I always say... Its never too late to review a bad film... At least i can save the lives of those lucky few who havent watched the film.

As i ventured into a multiplex armed with a 150Rs. ticket in one hand and a popcorn in the other, i
was genuinely looking forward to actually watching a film after a long time. THe last time i was so
keen on watching a film was for Ashutosh Gowariker's SWADES which i must say was one of the best
films i have ever seen. That apart, i was looking forward to Aamir Khan... after 4 years. The lights
went off, the projector switched on to life, and images of MANGAL PANDEY-The Rising started to
flicker across the screen. I raised the popcorn in anticipation and then started, what i can call
the worst three hours of my life.
From whatever two and a half paragraphs dedicated to Mangal Pandey in my fourth standard history
books, all i knew about him was
1> He was India's first martyr
2> He was a sepoy in the British Army who revolted against the British because of some cartridges which had a coating of cow and pig fat which had to be removed by your teeth.

The film however enlightened me more, with facts like, India in 1857 was full of nautch girls, sex starved British officers and their equally sex starved wives, army sepoys who had long hair, girls performing dances on streets at night which can put all our current remix divas to shame...

But the big question is, Is this the true picture or is it some kind of a gimmick to make THE RISING
more of a commercial masala flick? Was there really a need to portray Mangal Pandey the way he was
portrayed in the film? Was there ANY need to show Amisha's character in the film? What was Rani
Mukerji doing in the flick? Was there the need to show the jail sequence(between Aamir and Rani) pre
climax? Lets leave the bhang alone...
There are bigger questions than these...

1> How could the British, known for their stickler for strictness image allow a sepoy to have such long hair?
2> Does Mangal Pandey, a strict Brahmin, have any reason to have an affair with a nautch girl?
3> Why does Mangal Pandey have to dance in holi, one day before their planned fight?

Not only such seemingly illogical flaws, MANGAL PANDEY fails to strike a chord... the emotional
chord... the audience doesnt feel the agony of the character... like we did in Rajkumar Santoshi's
brilliantly made BHAGAT SINGH.

I am sure there will be hundreds of people who would beg to disagree with my opinion saying it is
technically sleek, brilliantly enacted and elegantly handled, blah blah blah...

I have just one thing to say... It lacked the soul. AVOID!!!

My Rating: **

EK AJNABEE

Bang... Wham... Damn... BIG B rocks... Apoorva Lakhia, the guy who made the utterly forgettable 'Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost' a couple of years with Junior B returns with his latest offering... A film that takes us back to Big B's angry young man days.

EK AJNABEE is a story of Colonel(Big B) a retired army official with a traumatic past. He is called to Bangkok by his friend Arjun Rampal. Here Big B gets the job of a bodyguard for an 8 year old girl, Anamika(Rucha Vaidya). The little girl teaches the traumatised, tensed and frustrated Colonel to live. Life is rosy for the Colonel till the day... the girl is kidnapped.

A fast paced, bullet blasting, face smashing action thriller is just what we wanted from Bachchan Sr. after a series of serious performances. Apoorva Lakhia and his team of writers make sure that EK AJNABEE looks every bit a Big B film. A rocking background score(Amar Mohile) just ensures more thrills, chills and wham-bam-slam pills!

Amitabh Bachchan rocks. He looks red hot and smashing as he chews the scenery with amazing ease. Arjun Rampal is decent. Perizaad Zorabian is amazing in a short but pivotal role. Who really impresses is the little girl Rucha matching upto Big B in all the scenes.

Though the film is a typical revenge drama in the second half, it boasts of an amazing first half. But with all the action and drama and that 70's feel in the second half... we aint complainin either...!

Worth a watch!

My rating: ***1/2

APAHARAN

First things first... Nana Patekar rocks. I must say this because not once while you watch Prakash Jha's APAHARAN do you fail to notice him. The intensity in his voice... the subdued fire in his eyes... and with a body language that sends shudders down your spine, he looks every inch of the menacing villian in the film. A hats off performance by Nana Patekar.

APAHARAN stars Ajay Devgan who plays the main protagonist Ajay Shastri who is desperately trying to keep a balance between two worlds. One is his own world which is based on the principles of honesty, truth and justice imbibed in him by his father Prof. Shastri (brilliantly played by Dr. Mohan Agashe) and the other is the real world outside. He stays in Bihar where Kidnapping has become an organised industry. The film is about how a honest person gets sucked into a vortex of crime and how he can never come out of it.

APAHARAN is brilliant till the interval point where Ajay Devgan confronts Nana Patekar. After that it becomes on of those run-of-the-mill revenge flicks. A predictable second half and a weak and prolonged climax are the factors which mellow the impact of a brilliantly written and sharply executed first half.

Prakash Jha and his team of writers succeed in getting the real picture of the kidnappings in Bihar without bowing down to any commercial constraints. Prakash Jha delivers yet another hard-hitting movie after Gangajal.

Ajay Devgan is perfect as Ajay Shastri. Bipasha Basu has 5 scenes and manages them OK.

But it is Nana Patekar who shocks you with what can be called as one of his best performances till date.

First APAHARAN and then BLUFFMASTER. Nana sure is on a roll.

A good film.

My Rating: ***

Neal N Nikki

When I entered a multiplex screening Neal N Nikki, the first question that struck me was that... How come a Yashraj film has only 5 people sitting in the hall... that too for the evening show and when the film is just 5 days old???

Baffled as an eskimo would be in a desert, I reclined on the chair, armed with popcorn in my hand and got ready to witness what i can call the worst movie i have seen in 21 years of my life...

What were you thinking Mr. Sablok..? Showing a Tanisha nearly naked... and an Uday, who frankly is wooden kissing at the drop of the hat would make a good movie??? If that is what you were thinking... well... I am not surprised to see the 6 idiots who actually bought a ticket to watch the film.

Here is the story... If you really care to know...

Neal(Uday Chopra) is an Indian staying in canada. Since it is a Yashraj film no prizes for guessing that the family is Punjabi. He is about to get married to some arbitrary chick from Punjab. Before he gets married he decides to go on a bachelor holiday for 21 days in vancouver... the aim... to get laid with 21 chicks in 21 days...

So far... So bad...

Now the worse part... When in Vancouver he meets up with Nikki(Tanisha) who has lost oodles of weight and even more clothes. She appears at all places where Uday is trying to lay someone and spoils it. Now she decides to help him out... and in the process has her own plan.

This is it. Thats the story. Bad dialogues, tacky screenplay, a strictly average soundtrack... Neal N Nikki has all that it takes to ensure a flop at the Box Office.

Uday Chopra should stop acting. Tanisha should stop trying to act. Aditya Chopra mustve been in a not-so-nice frame of mind when he approved this film.

And Mr. Arjun Sablok... STOP MAKING FILMS!!!

Undoubtedly... The worst hindi film of the century.

My Rating: NOT APPLICABLE

Bluffmaster

What happens when you try to perform a chemistry experiment within in a physics laboratory? To find out watch Rohan Sippy's BLUFFMASTER. Not that it has anything to do with either physics or chemistry, it definitely epitomizes an experiment gone terribly wrong. An interesting story start with, BLUFFMASTER is killed... courtesy a pathetic screenplay(Sridhar Raghavan).

It is primararily a story of Roy(Abhishek Bachchan) a conman who has perfected his art beyond perfection. He is madly in love with Simmi(Priyanka Chopra) who doesnt approve of his conniving ways. One con job and one song later, the girl sees the real face behind the mask... in fact, she sees the mask. Simmi breaks the engagement and Roy's heart.

A totally disillusioned Roy is finding out ways and means to get Simmi back when he bumps into Dittu, a wannabe Conman of class. Con meets Popcorn as Dittu convinces Roy to train him and this is where the fun starts.

A classic combination of brilliant dialogue, great acting and sharp direction in places takes the entire film on an altogether new high. The chemistry between Abhishek and Riteish is simply superb. But as the reels start unfolding we realise that nothing is happening. The story is not moving anywhere. Scenes and songs pop cluelessly from left, right and centre as we sit awestruck(?) saying... What the hell???

And then enters what can easily be called the best thing about BLUFFMASTER. An effervescently brilliant Nana Patekar comes like a whiff of fresh air. Portraying a self worshipping villian, Nana comes out trumps with a brilliant character. The sequences between Abhishek, Nana and Riteish are clever and crisp. As the film reaches a not-so-regular climax we end up thinking... "Man... this couldve rocked...(sigh)...

A good musical score just adds to the flashy packaging of the film. It has a very upbeat look throughout and is technically very sleek. Razor sharp editing is a boon to the viewers. Rohan Sippy does well as a director but is handicapped by a shoddy screenplay. The dialogues of the film is without doubt one of the best in recent hindi film history.

Abhishek Bachchan is neat as Roy. Portraying Roy with the just the right amount of intensity, he gets into every inch of the character. Riteish Deshmukh just proves his mettle as an actor by making Dittu look so real, so stupid. Priyanka Chopra is OK. But the real scene stealer is Nana Patekar who comes out with a great performance.

On the whole, BLUFFMASTER is a decent timepass entertainer. But that's that. Bollywood needs screenwriters... badly!

My Rating: * * *