Chup Chup Ke: Been There, Seen That.

Filmmaker: Karan Johar
Bollywood Cliché: Glycerin, tissues, Punjabi Families, New York, Shahrukh Khan.

Filmmaker: Yash Chopra
Bollywood Cliché: Glycerin, rumaals, Sarso ke khet, Punjab, Chiffon Saris, Introduction rain song for the leading lady,

Filmmaker: Ramgopal Verma
Bollywood Cliché: Horror, Underworld, Stupid climaxes (cinematic, of course), Urmila, Nisha or Antara (Any one of these, unless he decides to remake Charlie’s angels)

And here is the latest entrant in the club of successful B’wood cliché makers…

Filmmaker: Priyadarshan
Bollywood Cliché: Mindless comedy, confusion, Paresh Rawal, Suniel Shetty, Bad music, dollops of emotions in the second half.

Well, First things first. Priyadarshan, yes, the same director who gave us brilliant films like Gardish, Hera Pheri and Virasat seems to have been too taken over by the I-Am-The-King-Of-Bollywood Cliché syndrome, because of which his films have become all sass, no substance; all jazz, no consistence; all crass, no exuberance; all harass, no relevance.

As I sauntered into the hall to watch The Crème de la Crème show of Chup Chup Ke, I had absolutely a clear idea of what was about to unfurl on the screen, but still, when you go to watch a master director’s film, you still feel that maybe, just, maybe he has found his calling… maybe he has found that lost touch, maybe, Chup Chup Ke turns out to be another Hera Pheri.

Unfortunately, all hopes belied me as Chup Chup Ke turned out to be the same rehashed version of the many Priyan films that have come out in the last 4 years. A bit of Hungama, a dash of Hulchul, a tinge of Garam Masala, a stupid looking Shahid thrown in to make things worse and VOILA! You have Chup Chup Ke.

Frankly Chup Chup Ke excited me as much as a plate of Chicken Tikka would excite a 70 yr old Pure Vegetarian Brahmin. It has nothing new to offer. If you are game to senseless, mindless comedy, this is the film you should be watching.

It is basically a story of a Bengali fisherman Gundya(Paresh Rawal) who owes a huge amount of money to a Gujarati businessman (Om Puri). Om Puri has a 70 mm, straight out of Rajshri Productions’ movie’s family. Kareena and Neha Dhupia are two sisters in arms who actually do nothing but roam around in designer Punjabi suits and having a look at things around them with a face that suggest amazing alienity to the happenings. And yes, the ‘I-am-so-wooden’ Suneil Shetty is the typical filmy Bada Bhai to Pyari behna Kareena Kapoor. For record and luckily for all of us, Kareena is mute sparing us of her ‘Oh! I-am-so-sexxxxy’, irritating, shriek voice. Shahid Kapur happens to be our quintessential boy-next-door with a nice family, girlfriend (played by an absolute pathetic Sushma Reddy) He also owes money to many people because of which he commits suicide by jumping into the sea(!) Innovative? Very.

So Bandya (Rajpal Yadav) who is Gundya’s assistant catches Shahid in his Fishing net and gets him to the shore. Shahid pretends to be mute and deaf (18 hrs since the film is over, I still can’t figure out why) As luck would have it (both for Shahid and we, the audience) he lands up in the gujju household alongwith Rajpal as a servant till the time Gundya doesn’t pay back Om Puri’s dues. As expected, Shahid and Kareena fall in love and what happens next is typical Priyan style confusion.

The film looks very sleek technically. It has really high production values, kudos to UTV for that, making it look no lesser than any Karan Johar film. The Cinematography is first rate and the editing is pretty insipid.

But the film fails in the three major departments: The Acting, Script and Direction. The script lacks consistency. Though it is very entertaining in the first half it just goes out of steam in the painfully boring and slow second half.

Performance wise, frankly, none but Rajpal impress. Paresh Rawal does his routine. Om Puri does his routine, Suniel Shetty as per routine doesn’t do anything. Shahid looks every bit of the dumb character he has to play. Kareena is a revelation. I never thought that I will ever like her, maybe the no-dialogue bit helped. Neha Dhupia is ok. Sushma Reddy looks a bit too lost as she has to play a widow to a guy she never got married to. The secondary cast does their bit, take their money and leave.

Finally, Mr. Priyadarshan. Why are you doing this to us? Give us some rocking films, like the ones you had given before this slew of mindless comedies. Still full marks to him for doing the same thing all over again and hell! Making it work like always.

Bottomline: Chup Chup ke is not a bad film. It is pretty entertaining. If you don’t have a brain that is.

My Rating: * *